POINT BREAK (Warner Bros.)
Dir. Ericson Core, Script. Kurt Wimmer
Cast: Edgar Ramirez, Luke Bracey, Teresa Palmer
Plot: *laughs to himself* As if you thought there was a plot…
‘I believe that, like me, these people are extreme athletes, using their skills to disrupt the international financial markets’.
As Luke Bracey delivered that line with all the charisma of a barstool, in the first trailer for Warner Bros. pricey remake of the 90s action classic, I believe what I am about to tell you was confirmed. Ladies and gentlemen, you are a privileged bunch today, for you are about to witness what happens when I really don’t like a movie. My feelings are so bad for this remake, that when I think of how to summarise it, the best sentence I can muster is that Point Break is not a film.
Point Break is a film like a Batman cosplayer is Batman. Sure, they have the costume bang on, and they’ve got all the genuine accessories, but you know that underneath it isn’t Batman. In fact, Point Break is more like one of those swanky promo videos that TV companies shoot to show how good their displays are. I suppose it could also work as a decent advert for the X Games. But despite some action scenes, there is nothing. No semblance of a coherent plot. No character development whatsoever. I don’t think anybody does any acting either.
Let’s start picking through the bones – this $105m film (a waste so large its like a tangible hole in the atmosphere) is helmed and photographed by Ericson Core, who you will probably not know as the cinematographer from the first remake of Point Break, The Fast and the Furious. Now, frame-by-frame, Core has shot some pretty good action scenes. Even I had to admit that some of the shots in Point Break are impressive. But when it comes to direction, Core loses the (shoot me) core tension that these scenes should have. We are frequently told by characters (because dialogue for this film has been replaced by an instruction manual) that these stunts are near-impossible, and fatal when gotten wrong. SO WHY DO I FEEL NO TENSION? I’M JUST WATCHING PEOPLE SAYING ‘BRUH’ AND THEN FLYING DOWN A MOUNTAIN; they could be going to Tesco to get some eggs for all I know because it seems like its absolutely nothing for them.
DON’T LET THE SKIN FOOL YOU – THIS NEW WOODEN TABLE IS HALF-PRICE AT HOMEBASE
But who are ‘them’? One of them is the aforementioned Luke Bracey, who’s Johnny Utah (and this might be the closest thing to a compliment I will give about this whole movie) maybe even surpasses Keanu Reeves (who played Utah in the original)’s unparalleled ability to act without moving his face. How this guy was not in the Golden Raspberry conversation I’ll never know. Every line is delivered in the precisely opposite manner to which the line should be delivered. Admittedly, it’s not like he’s been written with any care for character development or personality though – same for everybody in the film. Edgar Ramirez plays Bodhi and…well…what does he do? He gets to look really serious, I guess. He’s got this emo flick going on? He wears a coat that makes him look like part of the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody should have expected anything interesting. Ramirez seems like he’s trying at least.
I feel as if, as bad as I think Bracey is in Point Break, everyone involved should win some kind of participation medal. There is zero material to work with. I’m looking at you, screenplay writer Kurt Wimmer, because every single line that is uttered produces sheer and utter indifference. I didn’t care either way – at least when you absolutely despise how a scene is written, you have a strong emotion and there’s enough in the film to have made you annoyed at how badly its done. But in Point Break, not a thing; I seriously couldn’t give anything resembling a damn.
WHEN SOMEONE ASKED ME ‘WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE INSTEAD OF WATCHING POINT BREAK’ THIS WAS MY RESPONSE
I’m honestly struggling to come up with anything to say about it. There’s a sort-of romance subplot (with Teresa Palmer – wasted entirely) which is done in four scenes; they all fail to make sense. Production values are poor when the action isn’t on screen, so bad you feel the film was made for a tenth of it’s mammoth budget. Oh, and Bodhi is apparently an eco-warrior existentialist now. I don’t know why that is either. Overall then, I would have to say Point Break is an effective wingsuit commercial, and an insult to the craft of moviemaking.